The making of a music minister

I've always been proud of my family. I think I was brought up in the best home a person would ever dream of being brought up in. We weren't wealthy by any means, in fact, we were always barely scraping by. If there is one thing I've learned in this old world it is that money and riches aren't worth a hill of beans if you ain't got love. We had plenty of love in my family. We weren't big on hugging or kissing or even saying I love you when I was growing up but there was never any question that we loved each other. I didn't realize it back then but I know it now, the reason we had such love was because we had Jesus in our lives.

We are "church people" through and through. I don't mean that we are religious zealots but that we are people that love God and love the things of God. We love going to His church, we love reading and preaching His Word, and we love singing songs about Him. I come from a long line of great singers. Both of my grandfathers were excellent bass singers. Both of my grandmothers could sing. Granny Spencer played the piano better than anybody you'd ever want to hear and never had a lesson in her life. Both of my parents sing and both of my sisters were blessed with great singing voices and piano playing skills. I've got aunts and uncles stretched across the entire United States and the whole bunch of us can sing or play instruments. I'm proud of that.

I was thinking today about all of the wonderful singing I grew up with. Our home was always filled with music. We had one of those big console RCA stereos with AM/FM and record player. My parents had a huge collection of 33 RPM records, everything from the Chuck Wagon Gang, The Carter Family, Naomi and the Segos, to Hank Snow, Michael Parks, and Johnny Cash. We would sit in our tiny living room and listen to those records and sing along with them. My dad would play the guitar and my sisters would play the piano. As my sisters and I grew older and developed voices that were able to sing parts, we each would learn a part and sing together. My mother had some old song books and we would sing those old Chuck Wagon Gang songs and try our best to imitate them.

Back in the mid-late 1990's, my family all got together and gathered around the piano with the old red back Church Hymnal and a tape recorder. We sang for hours and recorded some of our favorite songs. I uploaded them all today to the Internet (listen to them here) so I could share them with others. I love listening to those old songs. It makes me feel young again and makes me appreciate the great family I was blessed with. My older sister, Pam, is no longer with us and my mother no longer has a piano in her house either. I still have the old memories in my head though and no one can take them away from me.

I never intended on being a "Minister of Music," I was sorta volunteered into the position one time and it just stuck with me. I'm a bass singer and cannot sing very high at all. My aunt Barbara plays the piano for me and lowers all of the songs so I can lead them. I often have people tell me that I do a wonderful job leading. It always embarrasses me because I feel that I do terrible. I hate to hear myself sing when I'm leading. One thing I do love about leading the music though is seeing how God's Spirit moves among the people during Worship. There's not a better feeling in the world.

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I've Been Thinking...

This past week at church has been trying. We have several key folks out of town. First, my Aunt Barbara, who plays the piano, is in Texas at M.D. Anderson, undergoing treatments. Of course Uncle Chester, who runs the sound room, is by her side. O.C., our head deacon, and his wife Martha went out of town to visit their son, Oliver, who is in for a couple of weeks from Afghanistan. Our pastor and his wife went on vacation in Myrtle Beach. So, that was 6-key folks that were not at church.

We have managed to push on without them. William preached Sunday night and I preached Wednesday night. Charlotte has been filling in on the piano and doing a great job. We have all pulled together and got things done. It has made me thankful in 2 different ways. First, I'm thankful for the folks that we have that are normally present at each and every service. Second, I'm thankful for folks that are willing to step up and fill the void when called upon.

The message I preached Wednesday night (you can listen from the link below) was titled, "What Moves You?" I've blogged most of the message in a 4-part series on this blog. I made the challenge to our members to not let anything move them. I've drawn a lot of encouragement from that message that God gave me. It seems a lot of times that the messages God gives me are meant for me. I, just like most people, feel overwhelmed at times. I'm not a quitter by any stretch of the means but I have entertained the thoughts of moving on and doing something else. I need encouragement every now and then. Sometimes I get the Elijah complex and start looking for a cave to hide in. But, then the Lord speaks to me and lets me know that I'm not alone.

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The juggler

When we accept Christ as our Savior, He bestows spiritual gifts upon us. These gifts are to be used to fulfill the Great Commission and to bring honor and glory to the Lord Jesus Christ. Some folks use their gifts for the good, some for the bad, and some not at all. I think the hardest part is discovering exactly what gifts you have and how the best way to use them is. At least that's been the hardest for me. Sometimes the gift that you are given is not what you wanted at all. For instance, I never in a million years wanted to be in front of people teaching or preaching, and I never ever desired to be a leader or director. My plans were to be a bass singer in a big-time Southern Gospel quartet. Of course I had the opportunity for that and was too young and stupid to reach out and grab it.

This morning I stumbled across a website that asks questions about our spiritual strengths and weaknesses, calculates them and then scores you on what your gifts are. Unfortunately, I scored 90 to 100% in all 20 categories except for hospitality, which I scored a very low 40%, which I could have told you before filling out the questions. The hospitality score was based on 2 questions, one was "I enjoy welcoming guests and helping them to feel at ease," which I put occasionally, and the other was "I am often asked to open my home for small group gatherings or social occasions," in which I put rarely true.

So, you see, for me it is very difficult to discern exactly which gift I should focus on. In the past, I have had people come up to me and say, "Byron, God has really given you a gift for music, and you should be a choir director." Others have said, "Byron, God has really given you a gift for teaching, you should be a Sunday school teacher." Others have said, "Byron, God has really given you a gift for preaching, you should pastor a church." One thing I have never heard from anybody is, "Byron, God has really given you a gift for sitting on the church pew and doing nothing." Sometimes I wish I would hear that one! ;)

The problem in all of this is that trying to do too much leads to burnout. I've done it before and I feel that I am heading for it again. I'm trying to do too much. I am staying depressed about the church and my ministries, it is wearing me down. My list of jobs, whether appointed or self-appointed, right now are:

1. Minister of Music - I was asked to do this by the members of the church. I didn't want to do this but I wanted to make sure the music stayed in the right direction so I accepted. I do enjoy it at times but I feel like there is someone else that could do a much better job than me. I am a bass singer, not a lead and everything has to be lowered. I also get very discouraged when I get so wrapped up in the music and feeling such Spirit and look out across the congregation and see people talking, laughing, cutting up, walking around, not paying attention, or looking like they would rather be dead than in church. It's like a dagger in my heart. Not to mention there are only about 7 people that are faithful enough to attend choir practice. I am very grateful for those members but I get very disappointed in the others.

2. Sunday school teacher - I was asked to do this by the Sunday school director. I enjoy teaching from the Bible. I know that most of the folks in class never crack open a Bible until they are sitting in Sunday school class and they have no idea what they are reading. It is thrilling to see someone hear the Truth and see the look of enlightenment on their face. I've been told many times that I am good at teaching. What I'm not good at is allowing students to sit around and eat candy, talk about non-Christ related stuff, or goof off. I know that I only have 30-45 minutes to cram in a lesson in hopes that it will change someone's life, so I stick to the Bible. That has caused some students to not want to attend my class because they simply aren't interested in learning.

3. Webmaster - I volunteered to do this. I love working with websites and am very experienced with it and wanted our church to have an online presence so we could spread the Word globally. Our church website gets thousands of visitors a month from all over the world. People in places as far away as China are downloading and listening to our sermons and music. This is probably as close to being a missionary as I'll ever be.

4. Church Bulletin - I volunteered to do this as well. The person that was doing it before me didn't really want to do it but was kind of forced into it. I am in front of a computer a lot so it wasn't that big of a deal for me. Plus, I wanted to have the order of service and the song selections in the bulletin every Sunday and I knew if I was in charge of the bulletin I could do that. The problem is, I have to run off the copies and fold them and have them ready before church starts. So, I have to do it either on Saturday night or Sunday morning before church. It's time consuming and always causes me to have to rush around to get things done. I wish someone would either volunteer to take it over or at least let me email them the bulletin and they could print it out and run it off and make sure it was ready on Sunday morning.

5. VBS director - I have a passion for VBS because I was saved during VBS when I was a kid. I think it is one of the greatest evangelistic tools that we have. I don't really want to be the director of VBS but the gentleman that was doing it before me had done it for many years and I know he needed a break. I don't know of anyone else in the church that would be willing to step up and take this ministry over. It's like pulling teeth just to get people to show any kind of excitement about it at all. It is an extremely difficult job and very time consuming.

6. Preaching - God gave me the call to preach back in 1997. I was already a Sunday school teacher and choir director. I certainly did not want to preach. It made me sick just thinking about it. I've always been very backward and shy and to me it was the ultimate kick in the rear-end to be placed in front of a congregation of people relying on me to expound the Word of God. I wanted to spread the Message but I wanted to do it in my own way. God had other plans. You don't say no to God. I feel that out of everything I do, preaching is the most terrifying, satisfying, and beneficial thing that I do. It's funny, it's the thing I do the least.

I do all of the above plus work a full-time job outside of the church and raise a family of 5 on one income. The brakes need to come on and soon.

Now that I've bored you to death let me get around to the whole reason I'm writing this post. First of all it is just to get it off of my chest. Writing is my way of relieving stress. That's why I have over a dozen websites and blogs. (I must have a lot of stress to relieve!) Second of all is for me to try and analyze and prioritize my ministry. I'm going to have to make some decisions and let some things go. Third, it is to ask for advice from others. I'm not generally one to take advice unless it comes from someone with some experience or knowledge on the subject. So, unless you can relate to my situation, please don't bother offering advice. Not trying to sound mean, just frank. Encouragement is welcome though!

Be praying for me this coming Easter Sunday. I have been asked to preach the 6:30 AM Sunrise Service. I will also be teaching my Sunday school class that day and leading the music and Easter Cantata. It's going to be a very stressful day. I just hope that it will make a difference in someone's life. I have a burden for some folks that I know are in need of Salvation. I pray that they will make that decision before it's too late.

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Not gonna let Satan steal my song!

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

You've heard that song, Everybody's Working For the Weekend? That's me. I know on the weekends that I will be able to enjoy my family and work at my second job and my first love, church work. As soon as I step through the front doors of the church, I am at home. The feel, the smell, the sounds, they are all beautiful to me. I always love being the first person in the church. I like to stand behind the pulpit thumbing through my hymn book while folks slowly filter in. I love hearing the scattered conversations and laughter filling the air. Just before start time I like to slip into the choir room and have a personal conversation with God. I beg him to pour His Spirit on our church and our choir. I ask Him to keep me from doing or saying anything that is not in His will. Then when start time arrives, I stand behind the pulpit and greet everyone and ask them to stand as we sing praises to God. I feel a close and personal connection to God and the church as I stand there waving my hands, keeping time with the beat. I listen for certain voices either in the congregation or in the choir behind me. It's better than any drug or alcohol induced feeling.

When it's time for our choir special, I wait with eager anticipation for the first notes to be played. I look at the beautiful people filling up the choir loft. Every now and then I'll purposely look someone straight in the eye and smile real big. I always love seeing them shoot me a smile back. I'll hold my right hand up in the air signaling time to begin and I'll hear great gasps of air being taken in. Then, as if angels in Heaven were singing, the sounds will start flowing. I close my eyes and picture Jesus standing there listening. I hope it is pleasing to His ears. Sometimes I'll think of my dearly departed sister Pam, or my sweet granny Spencer, and I wonder if they can hear us singing. I'm sure they can't but I still can't help but wonder. As I stand there directing and singing, with my eyes closed shut, I'll be in my own world. A world where no one else can intrude, no problems can break through, and Satan can't steal my song. Sometimes God's Spirit overwhelms me and feel like I am going to burst. My eyes spill over with tears, my feet want to jump and I wonder if I'll be able to contain myself. It's during those moments that I know I am in the center of God's will and exactly where I belong. It's a feeling that I never want to go away. I wish everyone could experience it.

I wish I could do church work full-time. My main job, working for a large electronic manufacturer, is thankless. I'm expected to know every technical question known to man or beast. I'm expected to smile and agree with customers when they treat me with disrespect. I'm supposed to lie to customers concerning issues with our products and pretend that I don't have a clue of any problems. When I don't have a clear answer or understanding of something, I have been directed by my boss to "bobb and weave." I'm not a bobber or a weaver. I'm a tell it like it is guy. I believe in being honest. I believe in telling the truth to folks even if it's not what they want to hear. I expect people to do the same with me also. I do not profess to know EVERYTHING and I don't believe it honest to pretend that I do. I despise my job. It is so different than my church job.

I suppose a lot of it is my own fault. If I had listened to my parents when I was younger, I would have went to college straight out of high school and studied something that I liked. Instead I waited until I had already been out for several years and already married with kids before I decided to go to college. My options were limited at that point. I needed to get a decent degree as quickly as possible so that I could accept employment at a company that paid more than minimum wage. So my career path turned out to be technical (computer related). I have a BS in Technical Management and an AS in Electronics. Big whoop. Sure, it has allowed me to obtain employment at some well respected large electronic companies but it has also caused me to wake up dreading every day.

Things have really gotten worse in the past few months since I began preaching again. The devil is working overtime on me. He loves to see me miserable and he hates to see me happy. In fact, tonight he was delighted that I had to miss church because of a problem at work. I haven't had to miss in a very long time and it really hurt. Instead of being in God's house with people that love and respect me, I was stuck in an office getting mistreated, verbally abused, and lied about from a customer that could care less if I was alive or dead. Other people in my own company treated me like dirt and threw me under the bus to cover up their own mistakes and try and make themselves look good. The only thing I did was try to do a good, decent, honest days work and this is how I get treated. All of this just to put food on the table for my family and provide shelter.

I am praying that it is God's will for me to find employment doing something that I love. If it means that I have to go back to college and earn a different degree then that's fine. I've already been looking into different Seminary courses. I'm only 42-years old. By God's grace, I've still got 25-years to work before normal retirement age. I sure would like to spend those years doing something that I love and enjoy. Something that makes a difference in people's lives. Something that helps promote and spread the Gospel message. That's all I want. I'm not gonna let Satan steal my song!

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Being Bivocational

Definition of a Bivocational Minister:
"Bivocation minister's are those who derive a portion of their income from a vocation other than their ministry. Bivocational ministry is not limited to the pastoral role but includes any paid staff member of the ministry team who derive a portion of their income from another vocation."

While the above statement is mostly true, it doesn't really define the typical church worship leader, choir director, song leader, or minister of music in most smaller churches. Many, like myself, work a full-time paying job outside of the church, yet also work full-time non-paying job inside the church, fulfilling the duties of above said positions.

In the past I have been blessed with being a paid bivocational music minister, however, at my current church I am non-paid. Does it make a difference in the time and effort that I put into it? Absolutely NOT! While I may not receive monetary payment, I do receive plenty of Spiritual compensation. After all, that's what it's all about. God blessed me with a few talents, one of them is being able to lead people in Worship. I did not ask for this gift but I did accept it from Him. I'm not bragging here. I do not feel worthy to even stand in front of people most of the time. I feel honored that He sees fit to work through me.

I know that there are "song leaders" out there that simply pull out a hymn book, flip through it and just sing whatever page they happen to land on. I can't even fathom the idea of doing that. There is nothing Spiritual in that type of worship. It is my opinion (and practice) that the person that is leading the congregation in song, should earnestly pray over which songs should be sung. They should spend time reflecting on the hymns that they are to sing and mull over in their mind how each one should play out in the service. Nothing makes me cringe more than to visit a church and their song/worship leader does not have songs prepared. What a disservice to God and the congregation! I feel that anyone that can't take time out of their schedule to properly pick out and prepare songs, should resign from their position immediately. They are doing more harm than good. I realize there are times of improvisations and a quick selection must be made, but those are rare occasions that normally just require a standard hymn.

If you are a bivocational music leader I urge you to put forth 100% effort in your ministry. Sure, it would be great to be compensated for your time, but a greater reward is awaiting!

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