Not gonna let Satan steal my song!

"Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

You've heard that song, Everybody's Working For the Weekend? That's me. I know on the weekends that I will be able to enjoy my family and work at my second job and my first love, church work. As soon as I step through the front doors of the church, I am at home. The feel, the smell, the sounds, they are all beautiful to me. I always love being the first person in the church. I like to stand behind the pulpit thumbing through my hymn book while folks slowly filter in. I love hearing the scattered conversations and laughter filling the air. Just before start time I like to slip into the choir room and have a personal conversation with God. I beg him to pour His Spirit on our church and our choir. I ask Him to keep me from doing or saying anything that is not in His will. Then when start time arrives, I stand behind the pulpit and greet everyone and ask them to stand as we sing praises to God. I feel a close and personal connection to God and the church as I stand there waving my hands, keeping time with the beat. I listen for certain voices either in the congregation or in the choir behind me. It's better than any drug or alcohol induced feeling.

When it's time for our choir special, I wait with eager anticipation for the first notes to be played. I look at the beautiful people filling up the choir loft. Every now and then I'll purposely look someone straight in the eye and smile real big. I always love seeing them shoot me a smile back. I'll hold my right hand up in the air signaling time to begin and I'll hear great gasps of air being taken in. Then, as if angels in Heaven were singing, the sounds will start flowing. I close my eyes and picture Jesus standing there listening. I hope it is pleasing to His ears. Sometimes I'll think of my dearly departed sister Pam, or my sweet granny Spencer, and I wonder if they can hear us singing. I'm sure they can't but I still can't help but wonder. As I stand there directing and singing, with my eyes closed shut, I'll be in my own world. A world where no one else can intrude, no problems can break through, and Satan can't steal my song. Sometimes God's Spirit overwhelms me and feel like I am going to burst. My eyes spill over with tears, my feet want to jump and I wonder if I'll be able to contain myself. It's during those moments that I know I am in the center of God's will and exactly where I belong. It's a feeling that I never want to go away. I wish everyone could experience it.

I wish I could do church work full-time. My main job, working for a large electronic manufacturer, is thankless. I'm expected to know every technical question known to man or beast. I'm expected to smile and agree with customers when they treat me with disrespect. I'm supposed to lie to customers concerning issues with our products and pretend that I don't have a clue of any problems. When I don't have a clear answer or understanding of something, I have been directed by my boss to "bobb and weave." I'm not a bobber or a weaver. I'm a tell it like it is guy. I believe in being honest. I believe in telling the truth to folks even if it's not what they want to hear. I expect people to do the same with me also. I do not profess to know EVERYTHING and I don't believe it honest to pretend that I do. I despise my job. It is so different than my church job.

I suppose a lot of it is my own fault. If I had listened to my parents when I was younger, I would have went to college straight out of high school and studied something that I liked. Instead I waited until I had already been out for several years and already married with kids before I decided to go to college. My options were limited at that point. I needed to get a decent degree as quickly as possible so that I could accept employment at a company that paid more than minimum wage. So my career path turned out to be technical (computer related). I have a BS in Technical Management and an AS in Electronics. Big whoop. Sure, it has allowed me to obtain employment at some well respected large electronic companies but it has also caused me to wake up dreading every day.

Things have really gotten worse in the past few months since I began preaching again. The devil is working overtime on me. He loves to see me miserable and he hates to see me happy. In fact, tonight he was delighted that I had to miss church because of a problem at work. I haven't had to miss in a very long time and it really hurt. Instead of being in God's house with people that love and respect me, I was stuck in an office getting mistreated, verbally abused, and lied about from a customer that could care less if I was alive or dead. Other people in my own company treated me like dirt and threw me under the bus to cover up their own mistakes and try and make themselves look good. The only thing I did was try to do a good, decent, honest days work and this is how I get treated. All of this just to put food on the table for my family and provide shelter.

I am praying that it is God's will for me to find employment doing something that I love. If it means that I have to go back to college and earn a different degree then that's fine. I've already been looking into different Seminary courses. I'm only 42-years old. By God's grace, I've still got 25-years to work before normal retirement age. I sure would like to spend those years doing something that I love and enjoy. Something that makes a difference in people's lives. Something that helps promote and spread the Gospel message. That's all I want. I'm not gonna let Satan steal my song!